Who Am I If Nobody is Looking?
Enter Luna talking to her best friend Hazel
LUNA: I was thinking about a quote I heard the other day. “Human beings are very social creatures, and ninety percent of what they do is done only because other people are watching. Alone, with no witnesses, they start to learn about themselves – who are they really?”. I thought about the day I had passed and I realised how true it is. I woke up at 6am to go to the gym because I want to appear fit and healthy to my friends. Not just to my friends. To anyone who sees me. I myself can’t even understand this, why do I care about the opinions of people who I don’t even know? I changed into my skinny jeans and cropped t-shirt even though the jeans cut into my stomach and meant I could hardly sit down. I tell myself I envy girls who can walk around in public wearing tracksuit pants and baggy jumpers, knowing that I will never be brave enough to follow in their footsteps, to step away from what society expects me to wear. I cover the dark circles under my eyes with foundation, I curl my lashes, fill in my eyebrows to create the picture-perfect mask society expects me to wear. I spend hours studying to become a doctor because my parents expect me to. I don’t want to study medicine, I hate maths and science. I don’t want to be a doctor. But I study anyway, a fake smile plastered on my face. Once I was alone at the end of the day, I realised how meaningless my life had become, a series of actions completed only to please others, choices that never seemed to be made by me. I thought about the second part of that quote –“ Alone, with no witnesses, they start to learn about themselves – who are they really?”. I am still thinking about the answer to the question, but I know who I aim to become – someone who doesn’t follow the rules of society – someone who writes their own rules.
