Who Am I If Nobody Is Looking?
- (Lights open and the main character stands centre stage, slowly lowering his hand as if finished waving goodbye to a group of friends, the hand is slowly placed back onto the side of the body, the main character’s head tilts down, staring at his soldier-like formation. The main character looks back up with a dazed or confused look on his face)
Who am I when nobody’s looking? Who am I when the eye of the beholder no longer looks at me? Who was I then? Who am I now? Who will I be?
- (The main character swiftly turns left and starts to march up and down, now with a louder and more raspy voice…)
Am I the soldier who leads an army into battle? Or the soldier struck by the first bullet?
- (he swings his head around as if struck by a bullet)
When the tsunami hits will I part the waves? Or will the waves part me? And split my unknown being into grail and sediment floating alongside the rubble.
I’ve become so used to the heat of magnifying glass,
- (pace slows down)
That now I am cold. I’ve felt like an ant lasered with a sun beam by a children’s magnifying glass for so long that now the laser is all I desire. Because the burning focus is more bearable than the desolate fullness of questioning.
- (Character suddenly places hand over face, as if a light has been thrown onto his face in an investigation room)
In a blue room, when alone, I am questioned by a man. A tall man with a shrill voice that penetrates my brain. And he walks with me in a crime scene, a crime scene that looks all too familiar, a crime scene where I am the victim, I am the suspect and the weapon are my decisions. And he walks me through the damp road, blinking with red and blue lights, battering me with question after question that I begin to feel that this crime scene is a trick. To abuse and damage me. And in a panic I rip off his hat to see his face. It’s just me. Me interrogating me.
- (The main character swats the imaginary light away and his breath quickens)
So when the laser’s gone and the case is closed, was I the victim? Was I the suspect? Was I the murderer?
- (The main character walks forward and looks at the audience, as if he is waiting for a response)
Well isn’t it obvious? If I am the one who viciously tears myself with words that questions a question that no one will ever be able to answer. Then I am a cold hearted killer.